


Memories of Yesterday

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-15
Updated: 2004-05-15
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: A different twist on the bashing.





	Memories of Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The echoing sound of J…U…S…T…I…N………was the last thing I heard as I turned at the sound of my lover’s voice. WHACK…..blinding white light…….then total darkness.

Feeling euphoric after coming off the dance floor, Brian and I walked hand in hand to the basement parking lot of the hotel. This has been the greatest night of my life, having the man I love show up at my prom; proving to me in his own way that he really does love me. I had asked him earlier to attend the prom with me and, in typical Brian Kinney sarcasm, he asked me why would he want to be in room with a “bunch of fucking eighteen year olds.” I had replied that I thought he “liked fucking eighteen year olds”, but he didn’t think that my remark was very funny. Needless to say I was hurt, but I knew better than to push him. Once he made up his mind, there was very little chance of ever changing it.

I had my back to the door when Daphne tapped me on my shoulder, pointed toward the door, and told me to turn around. I was totally floored to see Brian walk in looking so totally awesome, dressed all in black except for the white scarf, that he took my breath away. Walking up to us he looked at me, and ran his finger under the lapel of my tux. Flashing me the infamous Brian Kinney smirk. I said to him, “I thought he wouldn’t be caught dead in a room full of eighteen year olds.”

Sarcastically he replied, “I thought I’d recapture my lost youth.”

After greeting Daphne, Brian took my hand and led me to the dance floor as the song, “Save the Last Dance for Me” began to play. Placing the scarf around my neck he took hold of me as we begin to move in rhythm with the music. I can’t believe the feelings that were nearly overwhelming me. I feel like I’m floating on air as he gracefully guides me around the dance floor. In heaven being held in the strong arms of my one true love that I never noticed the hostile looks we were getting from some of my classmates, especially one in particular; Chris Hobbs. All I can see is the beautiful face and incredible smile of my lover; the man who made this night a truly special one for me. As the last strains of the song played, Brian pulled me in close and gave me a kiss that seared every fiber of my being; he literally took my breath away. Brian showing up on this night, holding me in his arms, dancing with me, and then kissing me as the music faded are memories that will be with me forever.

 

*******************************************************************************************

Showing up at Justin’s prom was the last thing I thought I’d be doing on my birthday. After getting a lecture from Lindsay and Michael, I realized that what I wanted most was to spend my day with the one person who loved me enough to put up with all the bullshit I tossed his way. Appearing at his prom was my way of telling him that I loved him, without having to say the words. I was scared shitless as I arrived at the hotel; scanning the room for my special blond, I asked myself for the hundredth time if I was doing the right thing. Nervous and full of doubt, I sought Justin out. At one point I even began to wonder if I should just turn around and walk out before he even discovered that I was there. Against my better judgement, or perhaps lack of it, I moved forward through the sea of teenage bodies making quick note of Chris Hobbs’ look as I walked past him on my way toward Justin. Feeling a hundred pairs of eyes on me I spotted Daphne and made my way in her direction.

 

Justin turned to watch my approach and I could feel my heart melt at the sight of him. He was so gorgeous and beautiful in his tux and as I approached, he gave me one of his dazzling sunshine smiles. At that instant I knew I made the right decision by coming to be with him. Gently taking his hand in mine, I led him toward the dance floor as the first melodies of a song begin to drift through the room. Forgetting that we were in a room full of people, we floated around the dance floor; our eyes locked on each other. Our movements were well synchronized; we were like two people who were so familiar with each other that our movements flowed smoothly like a gentle river. Our bodies floated and glided across the dance floor as we moved in time with the rhythm of the music. As the song ended, our lips met in a long heart-stopping kiss. Remembering where we were, I breathlessly released him and took him by the hand and pulled him towards the door.

 

*******************************************************************************************

It was a beautiful fall day, just perfect for the special occasion and the special person this wonderful day was made for. Everyone was in a celebratory mood. It was Gus’ first birthday and I was excited and terrified all at the same time. What made this celebration special for me was the fact that I had been there the night the little guy was born and that Brian had let me name his son.

Brian knew I was still uncomfortable around crowds and he would have understood if I had not come, but I wanted to do this for me as well as for Gus and Brian. Besides, they are the two most extraordinary people in my life and I didn’t want to let them down.

Lindsay and Mel had not been pleased when Brian told them that we would be arriving late, and started to give him a ration of shit until I took the phone away and explained to them that he was doing this for me. Linds sheepishly apologized for giving us such a hard time. They had forgotten that I still experienced difficulty being around a lot of people and by our arriving late we would avoid the mad crush of guests arriving at the appointed time. Of course Brian was upset at the munchers, because we had to spell out the reason to them. He felt that they should have just accepted what he said, but things never go that easy, not when it comes to him.

Before I realized it, we were parked in front of Lindsay and Mel’s house. Releasing my seatbelt, I a shuddering breath escaped my lips as I tried to collect myself before reaching for the door. As I moved to get out, I felt a light touch upon my shoulder. Turning toward the touch I met the hazel eyes of the man I love. Seeing a look of concern in those beautiful eyes I smiled at him to let him know that I’d be okay. As he gently caressed my cheek, he leaned in and softly brushed a kiss against my warm and eager lips giving me the reassurance I needed to take that first step out of the jeep and face the crowd.

 

*******************************************************************************************

I tried to talk Justin out of attending Gus’ party. My son was still young enough that he wouldn’t miss us if we weren’t there. Justin remained somewhat apprehensive about being around crowds and still suffered panic attacks periodically when the crowds became too overwhelming. I did not want him to suffer unnecessarily because, whether he believes it or not, I do care how he feels and what happens to him. But he kept reassuring me that he would be alright, and that this was a very special day to him in more ways than one. He said that he needed to be at the party; if for nothing else than to prove to himself that he was getting better. He wasn’t going to let what Chris Hobbs did make him run and hide from the world. I wanted to argue with him and tell him that there was no shame in wanting to avoid things for a while. After all, what he had been through was an extremely horrifying and traumatic experience and it didn’t make him any less of a person for wanting to avoid things that brought the pain back.

 

His determined look however, brooked no further disagreement on my part so I reluctantly gave in. Hell, if it had been me I’m not sure that I would be as determined or brave enough to face what he has, but that is what I love about him; so much determination and tenacity, especially in one so young. He assured me that he would be able to handle it as long as I was at his side; where else would I be? It scares me that I have taken on the dual role of protector, and lover because I never thought I’d ever let someone get this close to me. Although I have to admit it’s a very nice feeling, when it doesn’t scare the shit out of me, I’m not so sure that I’m up to a major responsibility like this or even whether or not I can handle it. I do know that I love Justin more than I have ever loved anyone and I will do anything to protect him and our love.

By the time we arrived, the festivities were in full swing. We hung back taking up post on the back steps, close enough to see what was going on and still feel a part of the activities without Justin being overwhelmed by the crunch of people milling around. I sat on the steps trying to make myself comfortable while Justin lingered in the doorway trying to overcome the anxiety I know he was feeling. Surveying the crowd and taking in all the festivities I found it hard to believe that a year had gone by. Justin and I had come so far only to go backward again. After the bashing, we discovered that he did not remember much of what had happened that night. I wanted him to realize that my showing up at the prom was my way of declaring to him how much he really meant to me. It was my way of opening up my heart and soul and letting him inside my walls. When I found out the only thing that Justin remembered from that night was leaving me at my Jeep and hearing me call his name just before Hobbs hit him, the hurt had sliced through me like a sharp-edged blade leaving my heart exposed and vulnerable. I had always said I would never let anyone get this close to me and allow myself to feel this kind of pain. The most important declaration of my life and he could not recall any of it, but what could I do. It wasn’t his fault that he could not remember how we both felt that night, it was that asshole Hobbs who had destroyed the most special night of our lives. When I realized he had no recollection, I promised myself right then and there I would never leave myself open again to that kind of pain and that is when my walls started going back up; brick by brick.

Hearing the childish laughter of my son, I looked up in time to see him swinging a toy baseball bat that he had received as a gift. Instantly, I turned and looked to see Justin, who at that moment seemed to be experiencing some sort of flashback of his bashing by Hobbs, and the beginnings of a full blown panic attack. I was up on my feet immediately, and by his side wrapping my arms protectively around him, and guiding him away from the house and towards my jeep. After the incident at Gus’ birthday party and the visit to the parking garage I had hoped that his memory would be triggered. It had been weeks, and with each day my frustration increased that Justin’s memory did not return.

 

*******************************************************************************************

 

Frustration became a daily part of my life as I tried to piece together the night of the prom as well as overcome my physical disabilities. For some reason I felt it was very important to our relationship that I remember exactly what happened that night. The only way this might remotely occur was if I was to seek out some form of counseling, but I didn’t feel ready for that. After Brian spoke with one of his “friends” he was told the only way I would begin to heal emotionally was if I could recall that night. With the help of Daphne, Brian decided to take me through that night and to recreate the dance. He was just as unsure as I about doing this. The bashing was just as hard on him as it had been on me although I could never get him to admit it. Every time I tried to discuss the issue with Brian, he’d tried to change the subject or completely avoid it. The first step was for Brian to take me to the parking lot. Driving in, he found the exact stall where his jeep had been parked that night. Hesitantly, we both stepped out of the jeep and Brian walked me through everything that had occurred that night.

Chills still ran up my spine as we entered the parking garage. I began to wish that I never had agreed to return to the scene of my worst nightmare. I knew I had to do this for Justin, because it was important to both of us for him to remember everything that happened. He needed to know what I felt for him if we ever expected our relationship to move forward. As I took him step by step through that night, I began to realize that nothing seemed familiar to him as he murmured, “I wish I could remember,” before turning to me with regret in his eyes. Devastated and hurt that the memories were not returning I replied, “I wish I could forget.”

 

*******************************************************************************************

Weeks had gone by and it did not appear that the re-creation of the dance or the visit to the parking garage had triggered Justin’s memory. So for the time being we settled into an uneasy tentativeness about our relationship, hoping that one day he would remember what that night meant to both of us.

It had been a long and stressful day meeting with clients and trying to keep Vance off my back. I looked forward to going home and spending a nice quiet evening with Justin. I never thought I’d live to see the day where I actually wanted to spend an evening at home kicking back and having some quality time with one person, no matter how much he had come to mean to me. But things changed and now it was all I wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy an occasional evening out at Babylon or Woody’s, but it didn’t hold the same appeal to me as it once had. Now all that was important was being with Justin and, believe it or not, we often had a lot fun just being together. As I entered the elevator of our building I could feel the stress of the day begin to fall away as I got closer to the loft. Nearing the door I half expected to hear some loud music being played as I often did when I got home. Having a “teenager” around with his thumpa thumpa taste in music I could often hear it through the loft door. Tonight was different, the hallway seemed eerily quiet. I could barely hear the music being played, which was very seldom the case whenever Justin was home. Sliding open the door I am greeted by a wonderland of candlelight, flowers and the most beautiful person with the most radiant smile I have ever laid eyes on.

The melodic strains of our song played softly as I entered the dimly lit room. The only light came from the soft dancing shadows cast by candles of every shape and size placed strategically around the room. The scent of burning candles overwhelmed my senses as I stared in awe at the sight before me. Dozens of beautiful long stem white roses set in cut crystal vases were placed randomly around the room, while velvety rose petals were scattered on the floor creating a fragrant carpet.

As I took a tentative step into the loft the full impact of what laid before me instantly hit, nearly knocking the wind out of me. Tears filled my eyes as I tried to hold them in check as I stared in wonder at my lover. I noticed a look of concern and fear flash over his features as he gently held my face between his hands and wiped away the tears that I could no longer keep from spilling down my cheeks.

“Brian, are you okay?” he inquired, concerned that I might be upset with what he had done.

“Allergies,” I said trying to lightening the mood.

“You don’t think this is ridiculously romantic,” Justin said with an impish grin.

A soft smile played on my lips as I leaned in and gently kissed Justin. Wrapping my arms around him and fiercely hugging him as if he would runaway and disappear, I softly whispered, “you remembered.”


End file.
